Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
