It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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