So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
