He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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