For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
