I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
