WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
