What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
