I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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