The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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