he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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