He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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