Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize