cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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