I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
His nipple licking is glorious
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