U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We need to get me chipped asap
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
