I want to have your abortion
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
