And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
