the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
