I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
