i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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