So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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