I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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