i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Mom said you looked used
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
