I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
