I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
