and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
