How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
