Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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