some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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