New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
