Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
