i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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