I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
