You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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