I am in a vortex of obligation.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
