I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
