So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
