Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
