I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
