I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
