she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
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By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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