white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well I just put wine in my tea
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