There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him