i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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