I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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