You're so nebulous sometimes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
