can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
