took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
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Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
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I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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