I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
