Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
