why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
