just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
they need to just BURY HIM!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
