he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
