please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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