I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
