Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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