Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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