Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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