It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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